Elias told Christopher that when he grows up, he wants to:
use a shovel
play basketball
drink beer and soda.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Current Contents of My Brain
We have been asked a lot recently how things are going for us in our new stay-at-home-dad/working mom model, so I thought I'd share where we are from my perspective. I can only speak for myself and know that Christopher had high hopes of sharing his views on a daddy blog, but you can imagine he has been a little busy. = ) He and Elias are picking up pizza for dinner right now and Ethan is cat napping, so I have a few minutes to myself!
Christopher and I talked through so many things before Ethan was born. We talked about how we would need to be sensitive to each other's alone time and carve out time not only for us, but for individual activity as well. We talked about how staying at home would be no easy task and how Christopher might very well wish he was working (which, he says, he hasn't yet!). We knew I might feel resentful of him staying home and quite wishful that it was him working and not me (this has happened!). But one feeling I was not expecting was one similar to an identity crisis. Maybe it's just me, but lately I feel a little confused about what it means to be a mommy in our house. It's a feeling that exists because we all have preconceived notions of what it means to be a mom. Right, wrong or indifferent, we have them because it's the way we were raised or because it's what we see in society.
For example, I have struggled with breastfeeding both Elias and now Ethan. It is better with Ethan because we are supplementing and I have a more relaxed attitude this time around. But it is a struggle, especially now that I am back at work. And sometimes Ethan doesn't want to breastfeed or doesn't seem very satisfied by it and this bothers me. I know a LOT of moms don't breastfeed at all and I barely did with Elias for only 6 weeks, but I still feel some sense of failure. Not sure why, just do.
It also seems very strange to leave my boys behind each day. Mentally I reconcile the act with providing for our family, but emotionally I struggle with wanting to be home. I want to be the one changing diapers and making lunches and not showering until the late afternoon IF and when both boys are sleeping. Somehow, I feel like my mommyhood is in question because I am not doing those things.
I know many of you reading are working moms, so please don't interpret my wonderings as insulting you or judgment. I just feel wierd not doing what feels ingrained in me that mothers do. Not sad or depressed, just wierd. It would be similar to me working at a hospital and not being a nurse. I guess I am just feeling a little out of place in my own life.
I don't usually go into all THAT when someone asks how we are doing = ), but I thought I would share the contents of my brain . Christopher and I make a great team...we always have...and things are really going well. Some days are harder than others, but EVERY day I feel truly blessed to have such an amazing husband, who is willing to sacrifice traditional roles in the name of what is best for our family. But who am I kidding...he's never had any problem ignoring the traditional...and that's one of the many reasons I love him!
Here's a picture I wanted to share...we spent Mother's Day with the other Ammon family to celebrate our nephew's dedication. What a special day! Here is a picture that Uncle B took of the newest boys in the Ammon clan. It makes my day! Thanks for sharing, Katie!!!!
Christopher and I talked through so many things before Ethan was born. We talked about how we would need to be sensitive to each other's alone time and carve out time not only for us, but for individual activity as well. We talked about how staying at home would be no easy task and how Christopher might very well wish he was working (which, he says, he hasn't yet!). We knew I might feel resentful of him staying home and quite wishful that it was him working and not me (this has happened!). But one feeling I was not expecting was one similar to an identity crisis. Maybe it's just me, but lately I feel a little confused about what it means to be a mommy in our house. It's a feeling that exists because we all have preconceived notions of what it means to be a mom. Right, wrong or indifferent, we have them because it's the way we were raised or because it's what we see in society.
For example, I have struggled with breastfeeding both Elias and now Ethan. It is better with Ethan because we are supplementing and I have a more relaxed attitude this time around. But it is a struggle, especially now that I am back at work. And sometimes Ethan doesn't want to breastfeed or doesn't seem very satisfied by it and this bothers me. I know a LOT of moms don't breastfeed at all and I barely did with Elias for only 6 weeks, but I still feel some sense of failure. Not sure why, just do.
It also seems very strange to leave my boys behind each day. Mentally I reconcile the act with providing for our family, but emotionally I struggle with wanting to be home. I want to be the one changing diapers and making lunches and not showering until the late afternoon IF and when both boys are sleeping. Somehow, I feel like my mommyhood is in question because I am not doing those things.
I know many of you reading are working moms, so please don't interpret my wonderings as insulting you or judgment. I just feel wierd not doing what feels ingrained in me that mothers do. Not sad or depressed, just wierd. It would be similar to me working at a hospital and not being a nurse. I guess I am just feeling a little out of place in my own life.
I don't usually go into all THAT when someone asks how we are doing = ), but I thought I would share the contents of my brain . Christopher and I make a great team...we always have...and things are really going well. Some days are harder than others, but EVERY day I feel truly blessed to have such an amazing husband, who is willing to sacrifice traditional roles in the name of what is best for our family. But who am I kidding...he's never had any problem ignoring the traditional...and that's one of the many reasons I love him!
Here's a picture I wanted to share...we spent Mother's Day with the other Ammon family to celebrate our nephew's dedication. What a special day! Here is a picture that Uncle B took of the newest boys in the Ammon clan. It makes my day! Thanks for sharing, Katie!!!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
One of the most inspiring blogs
Because I have nothing else to do, = ) sometimes I read this blog. Its author, Stephanie, never ceases to inspire me. Stephanie and her husband were in a plane crash which burned both of them and left Stephanie in a coma for three months. Her blog is about being a mom and enduring extreme physical trials every day. Don't read it if you don't want to become addicted. Here is her video that she is making for the Mormon church. Even if you don't agree with the Mormon faith, I think you will still find this video and her story beautiful. You can read more at http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/.
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